Socialization
by Beth Klarreich Corwin

When I look around at the people I surround myself with, my group of friends, I see the commonality. Either we are passionate about similar things, share philosophies, find each other intriguing thereby learning from one anothers differences, have children who share interests or just enjoy one anothers company.

Age has absolutely nothing to do with our friendship.

My husband is four years my senior, a new close girl friend of mine is fourteen years younger than I am, one close friend is five years older, another five years younger and yes two very good friends are my age. Why then are kids in the public school system lumped together with kids their exact age? It can be true that sometimes developmentally they are experiencing similar things. It can also be true that the range of skills are quite different.

A friend once said to me,”How would you feel if someone told you that for the next thirteen years of your life you will be sitting in a room for seven hours a day, five days a week, with people your own age and one expert ?” The very thought of it actually made me feel quite anxious and very disturbed. Being around people only your own age is a breeding ground for unhealthy competition. It is not easy for organic learning to occur when there are others around you who have mastered certain skills and you are being forced to keep up. You may not be ready to move on. What’s the BIG RUSH?

I also find it interesting that one of the first things we learn is that we are all unique, everyone is different,” special in their own way” ( to quote Barney the purple dinosaur). Then why are we not treated that way? TIME ......for one reason. How can a teacher with ten, twenty thirty students really relate to their students as individuals? It is a very difficult if not impossible task. Teachers must generalize, compare and find the need to expect a certain standard for there to be any order at all.

There are so many types of learners. Those that are cerebral, those that are physical learners, right brained,left brainedgood at memorization, weak at comprehension. The challenge is to trust. Trust the learning process, allow it to unfold naturally. When we “teach”children something before they are ready to learn it we rob them of discovery. This becomes apparent in any toddler taking his first steps. If we were to intellectualize the process for them by aiding them step by step they would probably never walk. Imagine saying “Okay first get yourself to a vertical position by using your abdominal muscles. Then lower your pelvis girdle, relax your shoulders, use your inner strength and your middle ear and gradually shift your weight to one foot. Toe, ball, heel . Then begin again.” Instead they learn by their own successes and failures. This is so foreign to us as we have been so programmed to learn by relinquishing power rather than by discovering the power inside of each of us.

I am constantly reminded by my sons that teachers come in all sizes and ages. As we were preparing to move from Westchester County, where my sons had spent the first six and four years of their lives, I began to realize that though we were moving to a wonderful place we were also leaving a land of familiarities. They had established many friendships and we literally knew no kids their own age in Montauk, our new place of residency. Trying not to make that fact a negative but not hiding it from them either I casually mentioned that we didn’t have any friends in Montauk but that it was a good thing they were so friendly because we would make some soon. My older son looked at me in surprise and said “Mom we have a friend , we have Gert.” Gert is a wonderful neighbor who is 62 years old . In Spencer’s mind friendship has no boundaries and age is of no importance. Socialization at its finest.