To Do Or Not To Do
by Beth Klarreich Corwin

One of the most challenging things for me as a home schooling mom is finding the right balance. We lived in a place where the home schooling community is very active and there are so many events and activities to chose from. I am the kind of person who likes to be involved, to take advantage of everything and our children are also willing participants. Sounds great, right? Most of the time it is but often I find myself wondering if in so much “doing” we are missing out.

The other day after getting out on the early side for a science class for our 6 year old and for a story time I was simultaneously leading for our 4 year old and other younger siblings, then a long lunch and socializing thing, then some errand running we were unwinding at home. I was unloading the car- wet snow pants, boots, mittens and hats, books and games from story time, dirty dishes from our picnic basket, and the boys were busily engaged in one of their creative games . It was lovely- easy going , harmonious. I prepared dinner- they played. Dinner was filled with conversation- our 6 year old eagerly talked about the science class and quite eloquently defined the word “circuit” to me and his 4 year old brother. How wonderful it was to have this information offered to me instead of prodding and sounding like a 1950’s mom firing questions like “How was your day?” “What did you learn?” “Who did you play with?”

Both boys then asked me if I would read them the new Captain Underpants book a friend had just lent us. As I went to get the book they became involved in something else. We have scrap paper in easy reach and the 6 year old, Spencer just took a piece and began doing origami. “C’mon Buddy I’ll teach you this new origami I’m making.”

Buddy his 4 year old brother , always a willing participant began following his brothers instructions. “Okay you fold like this and then unfold and then refold and open and bend it like this.” Buddy’s little but able hands were determined to follow his brothers instructions exactly.

By this time I had retrieved the book but knew better than to interrupt this creative process. I went to the basement and brought up the laundry. Even though it wasn’t origami I figured I could still be involved by folding. By the time I came back it was Buddy the 4 year old who was leading the project. His origami was quite complicated . It involved not only paper but scissors , tape and a pencil for drawing “your favorite thing” on one side of the specified paper. I listened as the younger one directed the older one. I watched as the older one became confused by one of the directions and actually came over to watch the demonstration then without any frustration in his voice just calmly say “Oh that’s how you do it okay now what?”

I looked at the clock -wow- this whole process had been going on for 1/2 hour. I smiled and then realized there was still bath, story and bedtime to deal with- how was this going to end? when was it going to end? was I going to have to interrupt?....Chatter was loud in my head when all of a sudden Buddy announced “That’s it.” They both held up their finished products proud as can be. “Look mom.”

I did and as I did I saw a lot more than paper that had been folded, refolded, cut taped and drawn on . I saw creative, imaginative siblings who had just astounded me. Observing them so closely yet quietly so many things were revealed to me by this interaction. There was cooperation, determination, patience, creativity, fine motor skills at work, role reversal and a genuine joy, a team effort, a brotherly bond cementing.

As we made our way up the stairs for our bedtime procedure the answer (to my original question of balance ) became clear. Maybe I should plan less so that we could all “do” nothing more...let life and projects unfold organically adjusting and adapting to lifes more natural rhythm.

I often wonder if our career choices in life are chosen in reaction to what our parents wanted for us or as a real listening to our hearts desires, our inner guide.

For me, I feel that perhaps it is a combination. My mother raised 4 daughters in the 1960’s and managed to go back to school and receive her P.H.D. Pretty impressive, yes? And now 35 years later when so many opportunities are presented to women and more and more women are claiming high powered jobs - her youngest daughter - me - age 40 has decided to be a stay at home mom, millennium style and home school her 2 sons.

Is it because I felt cheated that my mother didn’t spend as much time with me as I would have liked her to? Am I giving our sons an opportunity that wasn’t an option for me? Or is it because ,as an ex business partner once said to me ,“ all you’ve ever wanted to be when you grow up is a 6 year old.’’ I’m not sure knowing the answers to these questions would explain anything or make a difference in the lifestyle choices I’ve made to date but it does perhaps provide some insights.

My partner intended that comment as a retort to my not taking our business as seriously as she did. She was right . Nothing mattered to me if I wasn't having fun doing it . Including making money. So even before I had children I always imagined myself as a stay at home mom.

The home schooling part came later on. When Spencer, our oldest son, was just around 2 and a half I was reading the magazine MOTHERING and there was an article on homeshooling. At this time I had never heard of it and was thrilled that it existed. I remember reading the article out loud to my husband Steven and we began passionately discussing it as a viable option. It seemed to fit in with our already alternative lifestyle.

But there is one incident in which I knew that home schooling was the way for us, the only way. Spencer had just turned 4 and his younger brother was almost 2. The three of us were taking a leisurely walk around our suburban neighborhood. It was pre Halloween and since we lived in Sleepy Hollow, the heart of Halloween haven, the decorations were impressive. Spencer went running up to a life size paper skeleton and very matter of factly said,” Look mom the femur, the biggest bone in the body.”

This one comment struck me on so many different levels. First of all it was then I knew that I always wanted to be the one to hear that comment. I wanted to know that that comment would be registered by someone who could do something with it. What would a kindergarten teacher do with a comment like that ? Would Spencer have even shared his knowledge in a school setting ? Would the teacher have shared that information with me? As his mom I knew that Spencer was not only very interested in the human body but that he enjoyed learning the proper names for the body parts. What I didn’t realize at the time was just how well he retained this information. I was amazed and proud and knew that I always wanted to be the one to hear and share in his constant discoveries.

It may seem like such a small thing but to me it was THE MOMENT. I shall never forget it.

Of course there were so many practical things to handle and to take into consideration before both Steven and I really made the committment to homeschool. But after that “awakening” everything else seemed to work itself out. Four years later alot of questions have been answered and even more have surfaced about homeschooling and our ability as parents to handle the comittment we have made. Would I change my mind? Never. Becoming a homeschooling family has been the most liberating , exciting and challenging choices we have ever made. Am I making money? No. Am I having fun and leading a life worth living ? You bet.